Melissa Gates is a forty-two year old single mother of a thirteen year old daughter and is currently attending Arizona State University. She previously attended and graduated college with an associate’s degree, but was young and unsure about her education direction. She worked at various jobs and tried various things to find her calling. Twenty years and many experiences later, she found her calling in electrical engineering. 

What is your passion and mission in life?

In addition to trying to find my calling, I am also, luckily, drawn to education and learning. Because of this, I began learning about our world’s history with energy and energy distribution. This is an area I’ve been drawn to for some time now, and it was not a light decision to pursue this path. The main reason I’ve decided to move forward with this is because I’m so drawn to it that I know, without a doubt, that this is the right path for me. This is something I need to do in order to fulfill my purpose.

What is your biggest hardship and how did you overcome it?

The biggest hardship I’ve experienced was the death of my first daughter eventually leading me down a path of substance abuse and addiction. For years, I didn’t understand what was happening or think that this was something I needed to get help for. Instead, I continued functioning as normally as possible, trying repeatedly to complete meaningless goals that should have been completed years ago. I don’t remember how many times I
tried to kill myself or how many times I overdosed, waking up in the hospital not knowing what had happened. Mainly, I just remember being so angry every time I opened my eyes.

This behavior continued and worsened until I had destroyed everything in my life. I was homeless, broken, scared, and suicidal with no family or support left. Eventually I got arrested for something petty, but what came out of that was the program that saved my life. I remember being so desperate and grateful that I agreed to everything they were asking, without even looking at what it was. I felt protected and for the first time in a very long time, I had people who cared about what happened to me.

Despite feeling grateful and recognizing all the wonderful changes in my life, I was still angry, and a few years out from gaining any perspective from all those years of struggling. I thought that I had just wasted my life and now there was nothing left for me to do but wait to die. And then finally, a little bit of hope started to grow. It was such a stark difference from how I had felt my whole life up until that point, that I just grabbed on to it and went
wherever it took me. It was like I just suddenly woke up and began to realize how many valuable lessons came out of that misery.

How has this adversity affected raising children?

My journey with addiction has affected every single aspect of my life, every thought that I have, every choice that I make, but most of all, it makes me grateful for my life today. There is no way I would be able to appreciate all the beauty and love in my life today had I not experienced what it’s like to live life without those things. I’m grateful that I’m still alive to experience all of these wonderful things that I had no idea were waiting for me just
around the corner.

This adversity heavily affected my ability to parent and raise my second daughter. I spent the first five years of her life always being terrified she was going to die, and then there were many years after, that I wasn’t around, or when I did come around, I was too intoxicated to be a contributing parent. Because of this, even after I got sober, my daughter still did not speak to me for several years. My addiction caused me to miss milestones, achievements,
time spent with her, and other things I can never get back, no matter how sober I am. It has affected her in ways I’ll never be able to know about or change. All I can do now is try to create as much good in this world as I possibly can and give love freely to others and these are opportunities I am beyond grateful for.

Maeband is excited to inspire and encourage all moms to succeed by helping them through our Scholarship for Moms. A new mom is picked every semester to receive the Maeband Scholarship. You can read HERE who is eligible and how you can apply.